Our father drove with great enthusiasm, or was propelled by unpredictable fears, so it made little difference whether we braced ourselves or not, or lay loose on the floorboards like a rag doll. After a few injuries it was all the same, so we learned to close our eyes and tumble in the knee well. And routes changed, and there were new deliveries, or old ones not returned to since before our time with father, in his time alone, or with some other we didn’t know.
One of the difficulties is, where there is a place to go and you don’t know how to get there. When, according to the message, there is a time to be at that place, and it is a time likely to arrive before you are able to be there, but unfortunately, you don’t remember what time that is. Yes, the time arrives and you are not there. And yet, you have the package, which, due to its nature, you hope not to have for too long. No, it is not something that, even if you should miss the meeting entirely, you would like to keep.
What of the price to be paid? If you are to receive something in return for the package, what is the cost of accepting what you are to receive? The journey down the roads, the wait in darkness. At other times, the demeanor of the men. If there is a threat against you, or the others at home, assuming there really are others, as we are now and again more and more certain we recall, though in other ways so much less, what will be the price?
In either case it is too much to bear, the threat of being paid, the dangers that cloud the moment of receiving, the punishment for not delivering. You cannot remember the terms entailed in the messages, but since you cannot remember whether you ever knew the terms, you are equally unsure whether you have forgotten. Nevertheless, payment for such devices entails the obligation, unstated though it may be, unstated and unspoken, to perform some similar task in the future, to receive some dreaded payment for another task as yet unnamed and unknown.
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